The Biggest Disappointment

We’ve all heard the phrase, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed”, but what feeling is disappointment mainly comprised of? And under what conditions are the seeds of disappointment sewn? When I try to make sense of disappointment and boil away the irrational secondary emotions, I find that the underlying emotion is sadness. A sadness in response to some unfulfilled expectation. Can’t I relate to that! And how many times have I been the unfortunate recipient, or bearer, of disappointment! Throughout life I’ve somehow managed to set my expectations far too high, and too many times have I been disappointed. Whether it be not finishing college, failed relationships that once seemed so promising, or missing the mark so badly on where my younger self envisioned I would be today. My high expectations and lack of follow through has been a cauldron of sadness and self-hate. However, that’s not where I have to remain. Through being at South Orange County Detox and Treatment I’ve been able to work towards creating better habits, having better time management, and accountability. It’s the little things, like jogging that extra half-mile, being consistent in putting in time towards work, and pushing myself forward even when I don’t want to. I do this because I don’t want the biggest disappointment in my life to be me.