Drug Relapse and Passivity

This word of the week really hits home for me. I’m coming back from a relapse that was fully caused from my passivity in my recovery, life, & relationship. At first, I was all about my recovery, but then money, work and success got to my head. I was frustrated with my living conditions, and I never talked to anyone about it. I started putting things in front of my recovery, not knowing that it was just arming a time bomb that was bound to go off. My passivity in acknowledging my thoughts and feelings, and in my communication blew up in my face. Now, I’ve lost something very dear to me.  I’ve lost the trust of someone special to me while almost dragging her down with me.  I’m vigorously trying to give it my all and put my recovery first, so I can eventually repair the life I was living, the life that I spent many years dreaming of having. We’ve been talking a lot about the addict self, and it really sickens me how one negative thought can lead me to throw everything I’ve worked for down the drain. I’m trying to fix my head and my heart because avoiding these problems will only make my things worse. I know now that I need to stay active and focused on my recovery. I need to express my negative feelings immediately when they pop up because it is not worth throwing away everything for just that one use.