Control: A Life Long Struggle

Control has always been a survival trait of mine. It is engrained in my DNA and tells my brain it’s what I need to thrive in life. But control has failed me. It has caused endless amounts of destruction, because a long time ago I lost control of myself. I attempted to control my life to fit my liking, but God had other plans. Over the years, in my addiction, I attempted to control others to change to my liking, so I didn’t have to. After all, change is admitting a weakness, right? Wrong! Change is a sign of strength and growth, as long as it’s a positive change. In my addiction, I had no desire to give up control, and surrendering to God, to me meant throwing in the towel, and I am no quitter. Coming into recovery however, shifted my perspective. I finally saw that giving up my control to God was exactly what I needed. Since then, he has shaped me back into a solid, focused, and determined human being. When I slip back into self-will and start feeling weak if I give up control, I am letting the Devil manipulate my thinking, causing me to emotionally relapse. I have to let my control go. Controlling others, trying to control myself, or trying to control life in general has only caused pain and destruction. At South Orange County Detox and Treatment, I’ve learned an immense number of tools to tame my control and channel the need for it down different avenues in my program. God has shown me that when I’m controlling, I fail, and when I am in His control I succeed. So, my choice in life is to let God take control and I’ll be His passenger, sitting shot gun for a life-long road trip.