Intimacy in Sobriety

This week we’ve spent a lot of time reading and discussing intimacy in relationships. After doing some self-reflecting, I’m starting to realize that the majority of the relationships in my life, whether friends, family, and/or girlfriends have not been as intimate as I had presumed in the past; at least not on my part. As an addict, manipulation is second nature to me.  At one time or another, in all my relationships, I’ve manipulated people for my own personal gain. Unconsciously, I viewed all of these relationships as a way to benefit myself physically or emotionally. Being able to recognize that my relationships have never been about connection doesn’t sit well with me. This is not an easy thing to admit, and an even harder habit to break. Realizing how self-absorbed I can be in my relationships brings forth feelings of guilt and it is something in myself that I’m going to make a conscious effort to change.