"You’ve Never Been A Disappointment"

Looking back on my life, there are many regrets and choices that I made in my addiction where I’m disappointed with myself. In and out of jail, rehab, programs over the past decade it became very difficult to not feel like a disappointment, to myself and especially to my family. For many years, I continued to reinforce that I was a disappointment by sabotaging any progress that I made towards bettering my life. I remember being in a family session with my father, and conveying how I felt like a complete disappointment in his eyes, his response changed my entire perspective, he said “The choices you make are disappointing, but you’ve never been a disappointment”. Looking at it from this point of view made a big difference in the way that I perceived myself. There are many mistakes that I have made, but I don’t have to let those mistakes define me as a person. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, and it can be easy to wallow in what could or should have been, or comparing external appearances with my internal frustrations. Moving forward, I would like to work towards being more transparent and expressive in my relationships, I have a tendency to expect others to know what my needs are and this usually leads to resentment and disappointment. I want to work on being more emotionally stable, not allowing circumstances or the actions of others to affect my well-being, and looking within to find the strength to persevere and find purpose and happiness in my life as it is, and would it can be as long as I continue to work on my recovery.