Distortions About Love

My childhood was pretty rough, mixed with abuse, neglect, drugs, and alcohol. As a child I began to distort my reality in an effort to cope and make life bearable. If I hadn’t done so, I’m not sure if would be still here today. It was my only way I could survive. I distorted my thinking to escape the trauma and pain that was my life. I did this so much so, that by my early teen years I was already an alcoholic and drug addict. My distorted thinking made me feel accepted, as if I belonged. I felt I was strong, needed, and nobody could hurt me. At 15, I was selling drugs and guns while surrounded by bikers and there was nobody to stop me. This went on for several years and things only got worse.

As an adult, my distorted way of thinking got me into a co-dependent relationship with an abusive partner who already had a two-year-old daughter. My thoughts told me that I finally had a family who needed me and loved me. I believed this so much, that I stayed in an abusive relationship for fifteen years. I had three more kids with her while I endured the constant barrages of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. In my distortion of reality, I believed this to be love. In all of the physical violence, I even chose to protect my abuser when she stabbed me on a number of different occasions because I thought she cared and loved me. I even took her back after she cheated on me.

Anybody reading this is probably thinking to themselves, this guy has to be crazy. The answer is no! I am not! I‘m just a guy dying to be seen, heard, and loved. I distorted the facts of everything, thinking it was the only way to get my needs met. In recovery, it has been a struggle to change this distorted way of thinking about love, intimacy, and relationships. To anyone else out there struggling with these issues, get help! You are worth it, and you are not alone! The drugs and alcohol only distort your reality even more. A better way to live is possible!