Willingness- Word of the Week

Being willing has been difficult for me to understand. It sounds simple enough, however I question “What’s the difference between self-will and the will of God?” I’ve been told to work on my self-will because I often use it to control others and circumstances and it’s hurting myself and my relationships. In the past, I felt that if I let things go, I wasn’t being responsible. I ignored my feelings for so long that neither I, nor anyone else, placed any importance on them. I was living based on fear, telling myself “Maybe if I do this…” or “I should have done this…”.   I had to be in control of everything to feel safe in life. I believed that everything that could go wrong would go wrong unless I did something about it. I knew that this negative way of thinking was unrealistic, however it seemed to be true in my life. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I became more willing. I became receptive to alternate ways of thinking. When I’m acting in self-will, I pursue a course of action or act in a calculated way with a specific outcome in mind.  I realize now that willingness isn’t giving in or giving up, it’s a choice I make which has made a big difference in my life today.