Vulnerability- Word of the Week

When I was using and drinking, it was very rare for me to feel vulnerable. I hid all of my feelings and hid myself and never wanted to deal with them. I drowned myself in drugs and alcohol to drown my feelings and emotions so that I would never feel them because I felt it would be “too much” for me to handle. Since getting sober, I’ve felt vulnerable many times. When talking about my son I feel vulnerable because I haven’t been around or present and in his life for a long time and I feel horrible about that. Another thing I’ve felt vulnerable about is talking about my family. I feel so bad for the wrongs I’ve done to them and these things make me want to cry and open up to people which is exactly opposite of what I tried so hard not to do when I was using and drinking. To me vulnerability is opening yourself up to people and letting them in and letting your emotions out. It is very uncomfortable to do so but when I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable I can be real and honest with myself and others which will lead to growth and getting better. I’ve also struggled with being vulnerable and accepting help from people who care about me out of fear that they won’t accept me for who I am. So now that I’m sober and getting help from South Orange County Detox and Treatment and Salina Shuler, I am slowly learning to get vulnerable and open up so that I can get help and maintain long term sobriety and be apart of my son’s life and be a good son to my parents.