Making truly selfless amends is something that isn’t natural for me. In active addiction, I usually had some sort of motive, or something to gain by apologizing for my actions. My addiction caused me to become self-centered. Even when I knew I was in the wrong, all that was on my mind when apologizing for my wrongdoings was what I could gain from the situation. I also made false amends as manipulation to get people think that I was clean and sober.

Now that I’m sober, there are many things that I feel guilt and shame over from when I was using. But, instead of addressing my wrong doings, my natural response is just make it easy and just move on and forget about them. However, as easy as it would be to not make these amends, it isn’t fair to the people I owe them to. By doing this, it helps bring them peace of mind and healing for the pain that I caused them. And for me, it bring a sense of relief in knowing that I have addressed my wrongs even though it may be uncomfortable to do so. Additionally, it gives me a sense of pride in knowing that I’m making progress in my recovery and that I am now able to make truly selfless amends which is something I wasn’t able to do in the past.