Grow Where You Are Planted

If I were to live my life by the sentiment of humility a whole lot of beautiful things would blossom. They say that whatever you water grows. When I only water my disease, ugly things grow like selfishness, resentments, and self-seeking behaviors. If I pollute my body ugly thoughts prevail. When I water my soul and embrace my true-self, things like humility, grace, and kindness grow. When I’m in a good place, negative thoughts still pop up, but I have the patience and kindness towards myself, to take the time to pull a few weeds here and there.

My disease has taught me that even weeds grow like flowers, just like how a wolf in sheep’s clothing is still a wolf. I have painfully learned that when I don’t humbly surrender to my addiction and admit I am completely powerless, I will lose. I realize that if I didn’t beg for help, I would have certainly died. That wolf would have happily eaten me alive. Everything depended on how much pain I could possibly endure, how sick I could make myself, and how far I could dig my grave. I remember feeling so lost and it was so dark. This is where I met humility. When I couldn’t take anymore. This is one of those moments in life where you may not feel your body, but you know your soul has been on its knees. When I realized I had lost my way, I had to humbly wave the white flag and surrender. I had lost.

After I had faced my defeat, it was easy to live with humility, but it is not second nature. In order to hold onto such beautiful attributes, I have to water that garden meticulously and daily. I have to ask God and loved ones for help. I have to let go of control and let things go where they are planted. God will take care of the garden so I can watch out for the wolf.