Emotions- Recovery Word of the Week

Emergency

Mad

Overwhelmed

Torn

Irrational

Overbearing

Null

Scared

This is Emergency, for I have lost myself. I have lost who I once was and the hope for who I could become. I fought the need to fix myself. Why? Because I don’t have an addiction! Or, at least that’s what I told myself. Why? I was Mad! Mad at everyone and also mad at myself! Why? Because I had to admit to myself that I was flawed and that I couldn’t fix it on my own. I felt this feeling of being Overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings of what to do with my life. I wanted to just shut down and give up. I was Torn between asking for help, or just giving up on it all. These Irrational thoughts clouded my mind saying to myself, “I have control of my addiction” and that everyone else is just being Overbearing. Saying to myself, “They don’t understand”. I feed myself these lies until I felt nothing but Null and Void; this sense of not belonging.

It wasn’t until someone close to me reached out to tell me about this non-judgement place full of great people. So I asked my Mom to take me to South Orange County Detox and Treatment. And when I finally got here, I was Scared to get out of the car. My doubt set-in saying, “How will I be treated?” ; “ How will I feel?” ; “How are they going to help me?” But, I did it! I walked in, and now I’m changing these emotionsfrom being scared to being determined to get the help I need so that I can be happy with who I am.