My desire to control people, places, and things is a character defect that I have in my active addiction and in sobriety. When I’m drinking alcohol, I feel the need to control my finances and time so that I can drink whenever and wherever I choose. I also tried to control the people around me in a false attempt to claim to be sober.

In sobriety, I still have the strong urge to control others and my surroundings. I try to manage all aspects of my life, often to a fault of risking my sobriety. I struggle with future tripping and the desire to force plans for the days, weeks, and months ahead. My obsession to find a job is one main way that I impose control. Other ways include trying to get tasks done quickly. I also feel the need to go out to run errands, etc. on my schedule, not on anyone else’s.

As I become more aware of this character defect, I’m working to release that desire for control and give more aspects of my life over to the care of God. I see it being an ongoing issue and believe that I will need to pray about it often. I will make saying the third step prayer at least once daily as a reminder of who is really in control. Thy will be done.