The Cycle of Co-Dependency

Codependency- Recovery Word of the Week

My codependency started when I was young. I never received much attention while growing up therefore I developed an unrealistic idea of who I should be to in order to feel liked or even loved. I didn’t have many friends. I didn’t feel close with my parents. I didn’t have a girlfriend. But looking at my sister, it seemed that she had those connections and and that’s what I wanted. I remember this one night where my parents weren’t home and my sister was in the backyard hanging out with all her friends smoking weed, laughing, and having fun. While sitting alone in the living room watching TV, I could hear them in the backyard. I thought to myself, I want to have friends, to be liked, and to have fun. Maybe I need to be like them? So, I joined them, thus beginning my cycle of my codependency. I conformed, hiding my true self and acting out as this alternate ego. My well-being became codependent on how others saw me. From then on, I started to base my self-worth on how everyone else thought of me or saw me. From the car I drove, to the job I had or the clothes I wore all determined how others saw me. I thought that if I was at least seen a certain way, I would be loved and everything would be ok. Due to my unrealistic and perfectionistic ideas of how life should be, I never really grew up. Instead, I allowed my codependency to run my life. Now that I have been given this opportunity for self-realization and emotional sobriety I can take another step of growth on my journey towards recovery.