Embracing Authenticity in Addiction Recovery

Being truly authentic can be very difficult for me at times. As someone who is newly sober, I have been living my life in deception and manipulation. I survived as long as I did by being a chameleon, putting on a mask and using my character defects in self-serving ways. I have been living as a false version of myself for so long that it’s really hard to try and connect with things that probably come easily to other people. Such as knowing what I truly believe in, understanding how I feel, and identifying emotions. Through groups at South Orange County Detox & Treatment I’ve learned about authenticity and character defects and I’ve realized the extreme amount of selfish interactions I’ve had on a day to day basis while I was using. These days, I’m so focused on trying to live in gratitude, empathy, and understanding, that when any negative or confrontational thoughts arise I immediately push them to the side- usually without even realizing it. Recently, when I become aware that I may have a resentment, rational or not, I’m able to recognize it and let it go. One thing I have realized is that I can’t go from one extreme to another. I can’t go from living in selfishness, manipulation, and deception to gratitude, empathy and understanding 100% of the time because neither are authentic or true. I’m trying to use my newly found insight into my character defects to take responsibility for the harm I’ve caused. Being honest and authentic is the catalyst to change. Similarly, to how step 1 of recovery is admitting we have a problem, the transformation from our false self to our real self occurs when we own who we are and our actions rather than pretending to be someone we’re not. By recognizing my character defects I’m able to work on them, let them go, and am one step closer to living a life of authenticity and integrity